Saturday

Today is a Saturday. It's always been a hard day for me, especially in the fall and winter months. I want to just hide in my bed all day and pretend that the rest of the world doesn't exist. What I'm going to do is get out of bed, get dressed, put on make up and go to breakfast with my dad and step mom. Yes I am rather depressed today but the worst possible thing I could do would be to sulk in my bed. I found out yesterday that a boy I like is dating a girl I dislike. I know that sounds trivial but it goes much deeper than that...I have an intense need for others to like me and to approve of me. For some reason this girl doesn't like me at all, every time I try to talk to her she ignores me. The boy is a bit of an asshole himself but like I said I crave approval especially from boys. This is something I will have to struggle with my whole life. Rejection or even perceived rejection can send me into a bought of depression and suicidal ideations. I want someone to want me too. I just need to remember my motto in life: THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Meaning simply that this moment doesn't need to define what happens in the future.

Who Am I?

 My goal in starting a blog is to create a story. I want to show someone...anyone...a piece of my life. Like millions of other Americans I suffer with depression, anxiety and chronic suicidal ideations. Unlike many others I want to share my story with the world. I want to break down the barriers surrounding mental health and I want to abolish the stigma that says that I am fragile, an attention seeker, broken. I may even be all of those things but this is me trying to be whole.